What can you write about when you don't want to write?
How about writing about not wanting to write? Perhaps a sprinkling of thoughts on what do.
(I haven’t actually picked up a pen in a while myself so calling this a piece on writer’s block seem inaccurate.) (Plus, I like to be different).
Tl;dr keywords: ADHD, wall of awful, writer’s block, reframing, and a little bit of cringing, oh and imagined judgement
I have had a book mostly on the subject of creating through writing, but applicable to all forms of art and expression. I always feel a little embarrassed and cringey quoting the name and author of the title as both sound a little “out there” for this recovering middle-class person tapping these words out as if silently judging myself and being judged by those who know me but don’t know me deeply.
I wonder why I am hesitating on this. Odd.
Anyway, the author is Oriah Mountain Dreamer - same author of the powerfully cutting (to the roots of all that’s really important in life) poem, “The Invitation” - hacks away at the dead wood we should have cut away years ago after much unnecessary growth trying to explore paths that seemed valuable and worth our time at the time. The title of the book is curiously, “What we ache for”. To be frank, I’m half way through the book and still don’t really understand what the “ache” is - perhaps it’s a longing to simply create, which is probably how I happened upon it. I’m not sure how I actually found the book, but like most of the books which have had more influence on my life than others, I was just drawn to it. Other books that have had a gravitational pull and influence have been, for example, M Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Travelled”, Malcolm Gladwell’s “Blink” and more recently, Henry David Thoreau’s “Walden”. The latter I inherited. The other two - well I was looking for some other titles and must have been in those rarer moment of gliding through book stores with an somewhat open mind and just found myself reach for them and connecting with the emotions in the words on the back cover, and the contents. Always read the contents page(s) for a better overview of what is likely to be contained within than the marketing of the back cover. Or simply go with your gut instinct. The most influential books call to you when you’re ready to listen to them, perhaps? I think so.
The way my brain works means I’m awful at being able to read one book all the way through in a perceived “normal” amount of time. Sometimes Often finishing a book and having enough of a recollection of what was written in it will take years. I’m not joking. The act of reading often makes me tired - perhaps it’s the hypnotic back ‘n’ forth eye movement? Often I will read a paragraph and realise that I my mental imagery and meandering neurons have gone off on a tangent thinking about a series of idea. Although I can read (obviously), and am reading the words and I recognise the letters, the meaning in the sentences absolutely aren’t letting those neurons create a new path of memory. So I’ll read almost backwards in the hope of picking up the gist of the sentence, scanning further and further back to find the breadcrumbs of meaning only to give up and just start the paragraph again. Sometimes this repeats 2 or 3 times and I just stare at the page having a “quiet” word with myself (“COME ON! FFS FOCUS”) to actually focus on the contents of the book, and less on the ever flowing stream of interesting things to be distracted by in my inner world.
I have had the writing book since 2020, I think. I mean, a lot did happen in 2020 for all of us and myself, and 2021 and I’ve been busy recovering and attempting to find solid ground emotionally and geographically in which to feel safe to grow roots into, so I’m letting myself off that hook a little.
If you are looking at writing as well, get the book, read the book, do the writing exercises at the end of each chapter as they’re really annoyingly hard at times but also it’s surprising what comes out of you. I don’t have an affiliate link so you’ll have to find it yourself.
Anyway, looping back to the points of this piece - the past 3 days (well, breakfasts and evenings) I have been slightly people-ing with a lovely couple of French guests who booked my place (via Airbnb - you can have a nose at my home (rework in progress), and by all means book a stay!) Now the last guests have left I mostly wanted to stay indoors (it’s been raining a week or more here in the Irish summer) with the curtains closed and not do a thing. It’s not like I spent even a few hours with them, but I’m just not used to it these days in my super introverted hermit-esque life which is a life I am curating and loving. Having random strangers stay obviously helps keeps the lights on (like those generous people who have given donations or paid subs).
Cue the tips button 😉
It also stimulates my curiosity in meeting and learning about the lives of others briefly - it’s like travelling without having to leave the house.
But part of being a not-so-social social introvert is that when you’re used to pottering around your own space alone, when lovely people come to stay - whether you know them or not - it still changes the dynamic and the “energy” in the space and can be quite tiring. God knows how I used to enjoy socialising in lively cafes, pubs and bass heavy clubs well into my 40s.
A telling note about the writer’s book is that there’s a section on writing with others, like a how-to on starting writers’ workshops. It’s very to the point, practical and is 8 pages long. The subsequent chapter which talks about the importance of creating a solitary space and time to be creative is at least 14 pages long and is much more detailed, more personal to the author. I like this human 🙂
So this morning - Sunday. Sunday I had decided weeks ago would be my allocated creative writing space in time in which to make myself start a new habit, hopefully valuable to readers and to myself, not just financially but also mentally and emotionally.
Today… Jeez. I have an actual list of a hundred things to write about and I have been forming a habit of picking an item from the ontologically categorised and bulleted list. This is the 4th week in a row which is quite remarkable for me. But this morning, nope. It wasn’t even a case of staring at the list thinking “which one?” or a blank screen type block - you know, that hour when you sit at the desk/sofa/bed/grassy hill staring at a blank screen/notebook wondering where to start. This was more of the inner whiny teenager, “I don’t want to. I’m tired. Leave me alone.” Followed by internal negotiations of “I could just do it tomorrow. It’ll be fine…” - the guilt of not giving paid subs (I’ll leave the button out this time) the value they’re hoping to get or that which I’m wanting to give; the shame of breaking another attempt to form a healthy, value adding habit. Another block to the wall of awful - please come back to that link later or risk a rabbit hole of interesting random stuff in YouTube but do watch it. I know full well that will result in two devils on my shoulders - one relishing that it’s got it’s whiny teenager result, and the other berating me for not being able to stick to a plan, or a habit.
So here I am writing about not writing. Result.
Next time you have your own block, find a way to reframe that challenge you have. If stuck on that, contact me and I’ll see if I can give you a nudge.
Just write. It doesn’t even have to be about the things you feel you set out to write.
Just write. Let it flow out of you. Channel whatever your subconscious wants to say. Once it’s had its voice, you may very well find the block is cleared and you are liberated to do the thing. After all, you can always delete everything after this clearing session.
If stuck, consider when you last picked up a fountain pen. Precisely a fountain pen. If you haven’t, consider getting one - plenty of cheap enough yet still suitably ornate pieces on Etsy for example. Trust me on this - it will change the way you write.
From Oriah’s book:
"Too often we have little sense of spaciousness in our lives. The sense of infinite potentiality into which I hope to dip my pen when I write” … “without the restrictions of being bound to preconceived notions and anticipated outcomes"
The dipping of a fountain pen into a well of creativity-nourishing ink. When was the last time you wrote with a fountain pen? If within the past week or two, great. If not since school or indeed ever... It can be messy even when you're trying to control the "mess". A metaphor for life, perhaps?
It takes time to select an ink (even if you only have one, it maybe took time to select it when you bought it); it takes time to carefully pour the liquid into a well or to give the pen its fill of that potentiality stored within. It forces you to slow down and be conscious of your actions. Once complete and (optionally) tidied (the perfectionism of trying to control life again - perhaps leave that and allow the mess to happen. Let go. It can be tidied later. Or turned into art), I wonder how many ink writers will pause - waiting to find the words, waiting a moment to consider how to begin as the conductor waits to begin the orchestrations of the ensemble.
Dip your pen into a well of space in time to feed your need to create from the infinite potentiality of everything you can imagine, including that which you have yet to conjure up from the infinite potentiality of your beautiful human brain.
And then just write.
Right?
That’s it. That’s your lesson for today.
Also, let go of your perfectionism - doing something is far far better than perfecting the output. It’ll be incrementally better next time. We know this.
Write. Go rightly write.
Next week I have been generously invited by Mr Neil Barnes of 150 Dunbar Street to write a couple of paragraphs on the importance of solitude as a follow on from his piece on networked man - the connectedness of us all. I will probably write a longer piece on that as 2-3 paragraphs is certainly a challenge for me….
Still here? Buy me a plant or some seeds with which I can feed myself a little and nurture the love of the process of helping tiny dark spots spring forth with their own potentiality. Alternatively, sign-up to my newsletter for more regular irregular updates and thoughts.
