Freedom
One of the aspects of being an unknown and little-followed publisher of content online is that it actually liberates from the perceived demands of oneโs audience.
Amongst the variety of things I find interesting, and amongst the smaller set of habits I have is that I tend to watch certain YouTube channels and Twitch channels - for those who donโt know (without much evidence of yes/no, I consistently feel my demographic audience wonโt know too much about modern gaming cultures) this is primarily a platform to watch and interact with people who play video games. There are other options, like the โJust Chattingโ category, and musicians etc. Thereโs an amount of weird trash too, which I ignore.
After following certain gamers for years (eg Datto, Myelin Games), I am see cycles of โIโm burnt outโ content and those who feel trapped by whatever game they focus on (the ones I usually see are those in the Bungie/Destiny franchise/IP) - when the game suffers in content quality and popularity wanes, so do their levels of income and they know that switching into another game will see a cliff face in audience engagement also which also leads to less income, therefore they are beholden to the whims of their carefully, long-term curated fan base. I am sure it is similar with any creative endeavour online. (Gaming these days is, for both the casuals players and the content creators, more of a work task than an enjoyable activity, but thatโs for another article in the future).
Thus, I remind myself of my freedoms of being rather unknown - how awful it must be to have thousands of subscribers, perhaps hundreds or thousands of paying subs who you may feel a pressure to maintain a consistency of produce in return for their eyeballs, attention and cold hard electronic cash.
Balance
I am relatively new to writing out loud as it were - publishing my internal perspectives to the online public, even though barely noticed, it is still out there now. I consider myself to be a natural introvert (despite years of masking into a more extrovert social life, it was always exhausting even though I probably didnโt pay attention to that - attempts to find a fit in the worldโฆ). I have years (decades?) of wondering whether I should join the millions of people finding and founding their space online to be whoever they want to be, or need to be - those finding their voice.
I decided I wouldnโt bother, and it would be better to keep my thoughts to myself, keep it bottled up, subsume it, internalise, analyse and deal with it until happy Joe was ready to come out to play as it were. Clearly thatโs not working entirely overall. So, due to trust issues and a seemingly natural lean towards caution (despite obvious risk taking in the past 1.5 decades) and anxiety, my writing does tend towards letting out the frustrations, confusion and disbelief of how incredibly stupid the world is. It hasnโt been getting any better in recent years (the world, that is), although I have found more peace in my self, especially since moving to the countryside to introvert and live very much on my own terms in my own bubble.
I am conscious my writing often only shows my anxiety, my frustrations, my confusions and disbelief of how stupid the world can be. Perhaps we are moving towards Idiocracy (links to a great intro from a documentary spoofing as a work of fiction from 2006 when the world seems relatively normal, looking back).
There is much I donโt talk about except perhaps to one or two of my closest humans - the beauty of the world, the structure of things, how some things I see can stop me in my tracks with its sheer wondrous existence, the emotion-inducing works of art, music, writing.
I am far from being in a group of the worldโs best writers, and often see writing (often from the minnows of the writing world, liberated from a huge audience to feed) which I adore - detailed descriptive texts which somehow manage to conjure up not just images but emotions, feeling of what their world feels like. I am not there (yet).
But I am aware that I have a sense I ought to be balancing out the mad man ranting with mad man, hermit-like scribing and demonstrating of the more sensitive side of my inner self.
Gratitude to non-verbal life
Oddly (to me), I think one of my most popular pieces of content on Substack since I started around 6 months ago was a comment I left on someone elseโs post (weirdly - or perhaps because Substackโs app can be really confusing sometimes - I cannot see what the post was that the comment was left for 🤦🏻♂️ )
An enormous 9 ❤s
So I guess weirdo tree-lover posts are also popular (hereโs to the trees, and to the weirdos!) as part of a desire to balance musing out loud a bit, here are a few of my favourite trees.
Random, I know.
A couple of gentle tune options to listen to for the piece:
This image below - re-pasted from the title image - is in my โgardenโ. In air quotes because I have 1.67 acres of unkempt, left-to-nature, land which is mostly either very boggy and full of grass and a type of reed OR very rocky and full of heather. Gorse and Rhododendron abound - both super invasive plants. At least gorse provides goodness for the soil, great wind breaks and a safe habitat for tiny birds, perhaps larger mammals also.
Currently I donโt have the funds to really transform any sections of the โgardenโ into a more pristinely โkeptโ space although I have plenty of ideas for sections of it - to include ponds, colour, shapes, foodstuffs, a polytunnel or two, space for solar panels and a wind turbine to get me off-grid more. A geodesic dome as a self-contained cabin would be a dream goal. As would an ample sized workshop / garage to work in shelter away from winds and rain - a common feature of life here. One dayโฆ.
This young tree above is directly opposite my kitchen/dinerโs โpatioโ doors (there is no patio).
It has a nice diamond-like shape to it and at this time of year there is a growing inner shape of yellow as the leaves are drained of their chemicals for the plant to use over winter. In a gentle breeze the leaves flutter, almost shimmer and make a very pleasing, calming sound.
To the left of the โdiamondโ tree is a corner of the land which is overgrown with Goats Willow (I think) - a member of the Salix variety of trees. It grows like a weed here, interspersed with Rowan/Mountain Ash trees of the same height which produce orangey-red berries in autumn which the birds seem to like. When I moved in, I noticed that there seems to be a natural path with Willow leaning in to form the tunnel which opened up to a then overgrown space - mostly thick clumps of grass and ample brambles. I have since realised exactly how voraciously brambles can grow - how long their tendrils become and how thick the base stems can become. And how prickly and difficult they are to remove! I had help in clearing this little space last year. Itโs a very calm space naturally shielded by the trees. I had high hopes of having work done here to create a paved path and little patio space to have a little set of table and perhaps recline garden chairs on which guests and myself can have pots of loose leaf tea, or freshly ground coffee and a notepad or sketchpad to create. As the year hasnโt gone quite as hoped, itโs becoming overgrown again. Perhaps I can try again next yearโฆ There is a glimpse of the lake from here to the east (the chair there is currently facing it) There are ample views of the lake elsewhere around the property here, incidentally.
I believe this weed-like Willow can provide a source of flexible branches, once stripped, to use in rustic fences and possibly trellis for climbers to wrap their tendrils around. I have collected a few, but ADHD means thatโs a project left uncompleted just yet! Plus, finding climbers which can withstand the winds and rains at my location is proving a challengeโฆ.
But this, this small, natural tunnel gives a sense of a small โsecret gardenโ, quiet, almost hidden corner - just enough visibility to spark a curiosity of โWhatโs in there, then?โ exploratory needs. A space to find a safe haven even within the safe haven of the space here in its entirety.
This old OLD, gnarly (oak?) tree has clearly been there for a very long time. Itโs located near the waterfall end of Tourmakeady Waterfall woods. I love that itโs just so fecking tall and gnarly and seemingly covered entirely in moss like a velvet coat.
This old pine tree needs a couple of photos as it is surrounded by beech/birch trees and has a great overhang over the river here. Plus a great network of exposed roots.
Tis great to lean on whilst overlooking a much calmer section of water flow than the rowdy waterfall which can actually be a bit too noisy at times for the sensitive of hearingโฆ
It reminds me of the type of old pine tree that is often seen in Japan and Korea etc. A reminder of my travels over the years.
Thatโs it for today. Just a sprinkling of plant life.
